You know those lies you tell knowing…. argh, what are the chances ill ever get caught?? Well thats just about how i live my life. I can surely stand here and say many if not all of my friends have no idea what exactly i do. Its just one of those things i feel i cant tell the truth about because the lie holds more weight and makes me look very very respectable, and another thing, im just so used to it.
I lie about everything, and i must say i had thought of myself as a smart liar, up until today.
So, as you dont know, i am actually a student at campus working part time for this multigazillionbillion zimbabwean dollar company. The rest of my co-workers are engineers who graduated with honours, and a few economists. In truth, anyone with any other course would not readily be respected, or that was just my paranoia speaking. So from the first day, the talk that i was an engineer who just hated talking about engineering was important. I passed the rumour around myself and the only person who i was sure knew the truth, was my boss, who never really socialised with any of those downstairs. I was sure there was no way anyone was going to find out i had lied. I had already prepared my graduation speech, and with all the technical terms i was going to use, no one would realise i was talking about bachelor of Arts in Arts! I be a pro like that.
So anyway this fateful day, the engineer walks, scratch that, struts into the office. Well pressed suit check! Well polished expensive shoe check! Well brushed hair check! Well scented body check! And the list for perfection goes on. The morning drags, and finally, one of the employees starts an argument over which furniture looks more expensive. I being the loudest, quickly pick the cheap one, and proclaim it worth more than it is actually sold for. The argument gets so heated that the big man actually descends upon us and decides to bless us with his thoughts.
This had felt like safe territory, and if i had had even the slightest idea that it would be the day i begin to walk with my head down, i would have humbly bowed out!
But no! I just have to be heard! We go back and forth with the boss, him demanding to be listened to as he is the boss, and me denying him the chance knowing this is the only time i would actually get to shout at him………… till that second.
The boss turns to me, looking defeated, me beaming with satisfaction, and says, ‘In all honesty, i cannot believe someone like you is saying this. For some one doing MDD, o sorry, Social, uh no ARTS IN ARTS, im sorry, its just that if you were doing a good course like engineering, id be able to remember if t’was electrical, or telecom, or civil. anyway i was saying i cant believe….’
I cant recall anything he said after because i was too busy wondering if my head could fit perfectly under the table. Embarrassment is my least favourite emotion, so you can imagine just how i was feeling.
I felt the eyes on me. Burning into my skin. I pretended i hadnt taken that personally, and made a mental note to personally tell every single employee present that i had to lie about my course to get the job. I will do that as soon as i finish typing this, or ill just go on typing some more so i pretend im busy and we dont have to talk.