You’re probably thinking i was saved from a pile of dirt lurking under the toilet seat because one of the employees at the company could not flash? Ok, been saved from that, but thats for another time. This probably puts me in the cleaner’s debt even after eternity in hell, and incase i forget to repent that is surely where i am headed.
Before i begun this article, i did give some thought to the perceptions that many would get of me, and i contemplated writing in third person narrative so as to make an unknown being take the ‘bog-looks’ as she walks down a path. But i decided against it. you go think what you want, im just so happy that the cleaner saved my arse!
It all started on my first day at work. I was given a workstation that also happened to be the server. I was also given stern warnings to mind what i downloaded and which pages i opened, as any virus acquired could affect all workstations connected to the server. Ofcourse on everyone’s first day at work, all you have to do is avoid questions and nod in agreement so that whoever is taking you around returns to what actually earned them the job in the first place.
As days passed, i got so comfortable with the internet. I must say i had never before in my entire life, had access to fast internet without someone telling me to hurry up. I was ecstatic. This was not happening to me. It was the best thing that had ever happened in a long time. I was on facebook every second waiting for anyone to sneeze so i can comment. I even started having conversations with East Africa Radio Station, and those other pages open to promote awareness. Id send them messages, but no reply.
One day, i decided i was tired of people complaining about my too much availability, so i decided to find a new hobby. Luckily, or unluckily, a friend of mine, (we shall call him Tony), was thinking the same thing. So this day, Tony yahoo messengers me a web page, and asks me to check what’s on it because he could not just open any page at his work place, as he was constantly being watched by promotion seekers. So bored me agrees. What the heck, its just a page!
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was the reaction called for.
Now i dont understand why such websites always have huge letters that can grab the attention of someone behind a wall. Thank God my computer has no inbuilt speakers, because im sure the page opens with sirens. Now i cannot begin to describe what i saw, but just know, things were flashing on the screen, and that is when the computer decided to freeze. Footsteps were getting louder, its only ow that i admit they must have been imaginary. I felt all eyes were on me. I had to switch off from the main switch and just know, the panic attack that came on was severe. Days passed, and i forgot about that scene.
One evening, the boss asks me to stay behind and help him put together a bidding package, complete with all the documents. I set about doing this in his office, while he wandered about. A few minutes later, he walks into the office with that stern look on his face, and goes like,
‘Princess(lets say thats the name), what did i tell you about surfing porn at work?’
Before i could even say anything, he adds, ‘I really do not care what you’re dirty mind wants and does not want to see, but please, take this as a last warning!’
The night was spoilt. I walked home contemplating how to draft my resignation letter. Or should i just leave and never return! I never thought i would, in a gazillion trillion years live through such embarrasment. But suprisingly, by morning, i had changed my mind. I had prepared a denial speech, and he was going to have to believe me.
That whole day, the boss acted like nothing had happened. Im still deciding if that was worse.
Anyway, two weeks later, there was aproblem with the internet. For some reason, it was so slow. The boss comes down to my workstation, along with two other respectable employees who respect me, and announces.. ‘Princess, i warned you already. I really hope i will not have to do it again!’
As confident as ever, i exscused him to go ahead and do his thing. He started off with his speech of how he is so good at computer things, and he can detect where and when a website was opened, for how long, blah blah blah! He was trying to scare me into a confession. I knew that. I had nothing to fear, but i was scared.
He checked the computer, and what do you know; website after website after website!!
I begun my tears. They usually get me out of alot. ‘I swear it wasnt me. I swear! Maybe someone uses my station when im out. Please believe me!’
The look on the other employees’ faces pushed me to plead some more. I was two inches away from getting down on my knees. Just then, the almighty boss was overcome by reason.
‘What time do you come in for work?’ he asked.
“Eight,’ i lied. Come on, even God knows i had to sound credible. Besides, he comes in at 10 so he would never know 9 was my usual time!
‘Who comes in before you?’
Almost in tears with shaky voice, ‘I dont know! I find the gateman and cleaner here.’
Sternly, ‘Go call the cleaner and gateman!’
Huridly, i leave his presence.
The cleaner happened to have left, but the gateman was more than good enough for me. He stood to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth, of how the cleaner, who was an s.6 vacist at the peak of adolescence, loved to surf as soon as yours trully, (me) stepped out of the building, and right before i arrived!
With this heavenly news, i took it upon myself to completely clear my name, and went ahead to announce how, even the first time, i was wrongly accused and embarrassed, I thought a salry increase would settle the misunderstandings, but i had to just accept to let the boss off without even his apology.
All in all, i am eternally grateful to the cleaner, who, im sorry to say, got fired. May he go out into the world, and save more employees!

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