“I want someone to fight for me. No scratch that. I want people to fight for me. Chicks to be exact. Im a 23 year old guy, been to all those nice schools everyone talks about, but i have never had that opportunity to be fought over. Usually i get a girl, stay with her for sometime, get another girl, have both for a while, then just stop contacting one, and the trend goes on. I really want to know what it feels like to watch girls draw blood. To watch them pull artificial hair, as i watch from the sidelines. To hear them scream, and not even feel a thing. I want to be one of those guys who dont flex to get attention. One of those who can cause a world war without being a German. Yes. Thats what i want.’
Those were my thoughts just two hours ago.
Two hours! You are probably wondering what could have happened to change my line of thought. Well, im standing at the sidelines but not exactly how i had imagined, because these girls are pulling at my shirt. They are fighting for me alright, but i have a feeling when i tell them i cannot afford, they will turn on me. You see, everytime i thought of girls fighting for me, i looked at it as a win situation for me, despite the outcome. Unless ofcos they both get killed, in which case i would have to console family members, and i hate that. But this was different. These girls were both determined to win, and this determination was more than i could ever have bargained for.
So you’re probably wondering which hostel in Kyambogo im in, considering thats where all the girl drama takes place. Well, im not even a boda away from there. To be exact, i am at Speke road.
I know what your thinking!!!!
Just stop thinking.
Its not like that.
I was from comedy night at the national theatre, and realised my wallet was missing and my phone. I thus had no choice but to walk home, to kamwokya. So this is all happenning while i am on my innocent walk home.
It started when this girl approached me. She was putting on a really big belt, but she looked wierd. Maybe it was the fact that her eyelids could not remain open. She kept blinking, honetly i was getting worried. Thats the only reason why i actually stopped to listen to her. Who passes up a chance to be a nice guy?? I didnt see the other girl come up behind me. When i saw her outfit, i knew i was definately in trouble. Some may argue that they saw a top, but i swear upon my intelligence that it was a handkerchief across her chest! If i had looked closely enough, im sure i would have been able to see the pins holding it together.
That is when they started. It was verbal diarrhoea at first! Yes. It was flowing like that; that fast, but it did not last long. Soon the hairs were flying, belts were being pulled, handkerchiefs tearing, the paint on their eyes mixing with the sweat; this by all means was not a good sight, despite the fact that it was for me.
Anyway, to cut the long story short (and believe me it was long, 63minutes to be exact), what ended the fight was me admitting that the best i could do was offer them 300shs for airtime. They could split that. I was willing to be like the old woman who gave up her last coin in the bible. Although my kindness earned me a few slaps, i took them as a man, and was glad when i finally walked away without being followed.
From now on, i dont think i want to be fought over. Unless its over the internet!! No harm can come out of that!

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