Now there comes a time in every girl’s life, when she feels she can get whatever she wants with what she has, without necessarily turning into a slut. (Ok this is true for the average girl. That is, excluding all those that know when to put their hands up during praise and worship, or those who know which clothes to ignore because they believe they belong in the kid’s section, or, and sadly i note, those who were naturally un gifted during creation…. and the list goes on).
Well back to the point…. without necessarily turning into a slut. For stacy, essie, charl, titie, barby, brendy, joany and the rest, the time was 11.00pm. The day was saturday, the month was september, and the occassion was… well there was no occassion, but since it was their first time out with no curfew, it was the best occassion ever.
So the night starts at this hostel that they all managed to afford near campus. One of them stands outside the door and waits to hear which place will be happenning! Ofcourse they are not dissappointed, as a group o drunkards pass announcing their departure to cheese bar.
Excited they all agree that they will be heading to cheese bar. Skimpy unfashionable skirts start to fly out of suitcases, as plus size girls struggle to fit themselves in size 10 skirts, scissors work their magic on old faded hand me down jeans, the tops that were once too tiny now seem oversize! How dare it almost cover her breast??
The tighter the sexier. The sexier the better, and most importantly the less we spend!
Ok this is the part where i introduce stacy! In every girly group, there is a stacy. There is that one girl who believes she has seen it all, and manages to convince everyone that she has done all the crazy things they have watched in movies, and is just ever so willing to teach the rest!
well this stacy character takes it upon herself to get everyone all dolled up, and finally they are ready to leave, or almost ready! Girls are never ready until that group of guys everyone falls for in the hostel stares and their eyes say you’re smart. well luckily for this group, the guys were as usual, gettin drunk in the parking lot, so they had way more than stares to boost their self esteem. But there in lay the problem.
The thing is, you want guys to stare, but just for a while so they do not see you ready ur footsbishi for the journey. But since there were more than stares, extra .ooohs and aaahs, and some can we take you to your cars’…….. stacy had to come up with some thing fast.
(so the next time you see a group of girls by the side of the road pretending to quarrel with someaone at the other end of the phone line for delaying with their 2007merc dodge nitro if that even exists, know those ones are ‘walkers!’). but the beauty of that is, it almost always works, and this night it did. they actually find someone to drop them as stacy dramatically assures the ghost Jimmy Jones on the other line that she is through with him!
Finally the BITCHES…as they call themselves, (actually as stacy named them, Babes In Total Control of Themselves) arrive at the place. the trick is to get as many guys to notice them, so that their drinks and transport back to hostel are covered, not forgetting their early morning breakfast of rolex on the way.
well they strut their ‘stuff’ on the dancefloor and after a few stares from some three leggeds, stacy convinces them they are in business. They take to the dancefloor and put Shakira and the Pussycat dolls to shame.
The new kids on the block are the BITCHes, and word needs to be spread!
After what seemed more like straineous exercises after an hour, one of them manages to grab John’s attention.
(Now John is one of those guys who lives in the slums of nankulabye, which happens to be a walkable distance to cheese bar. He thus turns it into his second home. He arrives, looks up the drink on promotion that night, which most times like it is this night, is club, buys himself one, as it is at 1,500shs, and settles down to sip it with a straw so it can last him the whole night)
Feeling that she has hit a jackpot even before stacy, essie does her best to let john know that if he had any other plans, he had better cancel. They dance with envious stares from the rest, and finally, essie convinces John to head to the bar.
(The stares that the rest of us term envious are actually stares begging essie to deliver them from thirst)
Anyway, so they head off to the bar. John wondering how he is going to pay for essies drink, and praying she takes soda so he can use his rolex money…..and essie wondering how do they pronnounce that word stacy has been teaching them, and who is she suppossed to tell, John or the bartender?
On arrival at the counter, which is farely crowded, essie blurts out 7shots of tekwiila, with salt and lemon fruit, and 7samanof red devils. Proud that she has not blundered, she stands aside to watch ‘her man’ pay for her order. (One semester later, she will perfectly be saying 7shots of tequila and 7smirnoff reds, and will realise that you’re never supposed to ask for the salt and lemon, but in her defence, even stacy does not know that!)
On hearing the order, John murmurs some words under his breath that sound like, ‘let me go to my car pick my ATM card for stanbic executive banking, and go wait till 9am to withdraw over the counter.’ He has heard many talk of this executive bank at Garden City, and he hopes that even as he leaves this beautiful girl, he will leave her with a smile and they can probably pick up from where they stop this time.
Well it works. She rushes back to her friends announcing how he has gone to get dollars and yen. An hour turns into 2, and before they know it, its 5am.
They decide to head back to hostel with stacy announcing how this was just a bad night.
‘On aza naitz, we fayind slap guyiz who durop us nga they havu buyed us four lorexexs eachi with two two eggs!’
You best believe they will head out again the next weekend in the hope that someday, they will all get to live the life stacy once had!

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